While Religion is a touchy subject for some. I try to discuss mine openly. I like to think that when I moved here I reinvented myself. The girl I grew up being no one here knows and I can be me. I can try different versions and different hats, keeping the personas that are comfortable and I enjoy. I can try new things, date and meet new friends with little worry about whether I will have to see this person again, or will that person be who I have to interview with for my next job. While I love living in Colorado. Still something felt missing. I didn't know how to place it.
Last Sunday I decided to step outside my box a little and find a church. I can't actually say this journey started last Sunday. This is something I have not taken lightly and I feel as though I have been looking for the last 2 years or so. I would drive by places, search on the internet, and ask for suggestions from Christian friends. I never stepped in to the House of the Lord. I never took the leap. I was scared. I can meet new people from Meetup groups and social networking. I talk clients all day long and it does not intimate me. This frightened me. I think it was because I desperately wanted to merge in.. to be the anonymous face in the crowd. My Catholic upbringing taught me that outsiders were not welcome and that there was an order to becoming part of their church. As I grew older I wanted something different and I have come to consider myself a Christian.
I learned of this place sometime ago on Facebook of all places. At the time I thought it was an odd concept and didn't want to try. I searched other churches and even made the commitment to myself several times to try one. Never could get myself to go. Something inside of me stopped me.
Again several weeks ago this Church came into my searches. Contemporary music and forward thinking similar to the service I used to attend in Fargo. It’s at 6 pm at night, and very near to my house. Things seemed to be aligning. But still I couldn't go. Fear overwhelmed me.
I listened to some sermons online, and thought I really resonate with what they are saying. Two weeks ago I made the commitment to go on Sunday night. 6pm came and went and I was still here.
The next week came and it was just a draining week for me. I was finding little purpose in my life except to go to work, eat dinner and fill the cat dish. How was I going to turn it around?
I'm going to go to church I thought. This is what I need, if nothing else I have stepped beyond my anxiety and my box. I am trying something new.
I drove over shortly before 6pm last Sunday night. The butterflies were in my stomach. Was I going to blend in? Would they call me out in front? Would it be a cult or something I didn't like? I said a quick prayer and got out of my car. Even then I felt like retreating, with anxiety whelming in my stomach and chest.
As I walk to the church I could tell I was definitely not going to blend in. Not because the people were strange but just so incredibly welcoming. I was met at the door by: Hi, I'm Jon, we haven't seen you here. What’s your name? Where you from? How did you find us? Were some of the questions I was being asked. I never felt so welcome in my life. I must have had a similar conversation with 20 people that night. One girl really took me under her wing and made sure I met everyone. The service was awesome with great music and the sermon was more of a talk, and I really connected with things. They read passages from the bible that I heard in CCD and Sunday morning Mass just in one hour took a whole new meaning. So many things just really clicked. What I feared the most of not blending in was exactly what I needed was to not stand out but be a part of a group as well.
After the young adults go to dinner. I got get to know more people and they were really awesome. The perfect balance of being able to worship, love and get to know God and community.
God definitely had his hand in this one. It seems strange in all the years I went to Wednesday night CCD, Sunday morning mass, that this one service seemed so life changing and I can't wait to go to Church again Sunday night.
