If you have ever been in a psychology class, corporate america or any trust workshop you have probably had to take the Myers Briggs test. Sensing or Intution, Thinking or Judgement, Extovert or introvert.... That is the one I always struggle with. Everytime I have taken that test, I am neither. And I think that is why I struggle. I enjoy talking to people, but I am too shy to. I am not good in groups, no matter how much I try. I want so badly to have friends, but I don't know how to make them. I was sitting in Young Adults dinner tonight, and again realized how painful it is for me in a group. Backup, it is painful coming into church. It is a big group. I get so overwhelmed. I clam up and watch from a distance. And really, it doesn't bother me to watch from distance in a group. I don't mind taking converstation with saying little. I am in my comfort zone then. It's how I am perceived by others. I want people to see the awesome parts of me and I am afraid they don't. I feel like the outsider and I don't want to. While I may hide it, this is something I think about alot. Why can't I just be an outgoing person I wish I could be. I am not.. nor do I think I ever will be. God you made me this way. You have a purpose for me. While I don't see it.. while things never seem to go the way I want them to, I have to have FAITH that you will bring me to a beautiful place.
Thank you for blessing me with new friends... and chances in community that I don't deserve, and the will to keep trying even when it's hard and draining.
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